“This Plano father has a zest for life”

[Month] 2003 article from the Plano Profile magazine

by Heather Darrow

If you visit the Bourkes’ home you are bound to meet Jimmy and the old men. The best place to catch these fellows is around the dinner table. It is there that John Bourke, 2002 Collin County Father of the Year, brings them to life.

Jimmy, an Eddie Haskell character, offers syrupy compliments to the adults, but when they turn their backs you’ll find him sticking out his tongue. John brings his son, Christopher, and his friend, Marshall, into the fun when they act the part of three old men, who can’t see each other but still manage to make contact. Meanwhile, the Bourke family and friends enjoy meal after meal filled with laughter.

Last September, the Bourkes and numerous other fathers and their families and friends attended the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation’s Collin County Father of the Year Gala. They did not imagine for one minute that John would win because they heard many tales of fathers and grandfathers who seemed extraordinary to them.

“I didn’t see myself as the pinnacle example of fatherhood. All of us in the neighborhood felt so grateful for this award; we are celebrating parenthood. The award puts a stamp in time that we have stopped and said this is good. That is profoundly important to me,” said John.
John’s wife, Elena, was completely caught off guard with the award. “We were crying listening to all these stories. By the end of the night I had no investment in his winning. When they said his name, I put my head in my napkin in shock. It was like a love fest; our neighbors and our friends were there,” she said.

While his children were also surprised that he won the award, they certainly felt that he deserved it. Not because he knows he is a great father, but because in his humbleness he doesn’t ever make that claim. “I think the fact that he is such a great person and everyone thinks so besides him is just the greatest thing about him,” said 16-year-old Lauren. “He never gives himself that much credit for what he does. He is always trying to help people rather than bring them down,” chimed in 12-year-old Christopher.

John really began to bolster his role as a father ten years ago when he decided he wanted to spend more time with his family and founded Bourke and Associates, a firm that provides customized training, strategic planning and culture change to Fortune 100 companies as well as area independent school districts and professional associations.

Perhaps John won the prestigious Father of the Year award because he sees life from a child’s vantage point and revels in it. He bounds down the stairs, takes off work in the middle of the day to go fishing with his son or take a walk with his daughter. Even his parents claim that those who come in contact with him fall under his spell – a contagious zest for life.
While John and his family say he is just an ordinary father who loves his kids, the neighborhood feels differently. After all, not every father creates an annual holiday that hundreds of people attend. Ten years ago when a client questioned the changes John was asking his company to make, the client challenged John to change, too. He rose to the client’s challenge and Dads in the ‘Hood, a front yard family campout event, was born. In seven hours with seven phone calls and seven dollars, John created a mission statement, a corporate logo (a tent and a lantern) and successfully bettered fatherhood for himself and many fathers in Plano. Now, numerous families gather together annually to see the mayor, emergency vehicles, a puppet show, a magician and maybe the nightglow from a hot air balloon. After the festivities, they return to spend the night in tents on their front lawns with their children creating memories. They live the ‘Hood’s mission statement: "Dad it is Friday pitch your work and your tent." Since one night of activities isn’t enough for active kids, John also created a tree-climbing club where kids in his neighborhood wear special rubber gloves and climb trees using only their arms.

Much to Elena’s pleasure the Bourke home is definitely the happening place to be in the neighborhood, but it is not just because of the activities. “I think John is friend to a lot of kids. He never stays at the surface. He extends himself to them as to his own kids; he is honest, vulnerable and interested in them. I know they see that he values them,” she said.
One of nine children, John, like his father, started his own company in his early 30s. He was inspired by his parents who are now in their 70s and still visit the homebound regularly. “My father taught me that the greatest gift you can give to your family is committed love to your spouse. Both my mother and my father demonstrated unconditional love and a servant’s heart. No matter how far I went in breaking the rules, I never had to worry about them not loving me,” said John.

According to John, while his father was a spark of inspiration, his wife is his sustenance.
" Right in the heat of all of our highs and lows Elena exercises unconditional love, temperance and sensitivity. She has a quiet grace about the way she supports family and friends. Our friends weren’t kidding when they called her Mother of the Year (after he received his Father of the Year Award). If she weren’t in my life, I think I would probably still be just worrying about me," he said.

According to John, the Bourke family has some of the finest moments praying together every morning, sitting on their king size bed and watching TV or eating together. When arguments occur the family is quick to remember the many good times. “We try to hold each other accountable. When we get into a dispute my son and daughter both loosen their grips and view the other side. If we find we are pushing some lesson down their throats, we lighten up. In this house, no one holds onto power for too long to the detriment of accountability. Apologies in our house happen,” said John.

The time spent on building close family relationships is evident in the way the Bourke family members react to one another on a day-to-day basis. Lauren admits that her father does not act quite the same as some of her friend’s fathers and that makes her reaction different from those of her friends. “Even when we argue he doesn’t raise his voice. My friend told me about her father yelling at her and how that made her feel badly. I yelled at my dad, and I cried; I felt really badly,” she said.

Those differences set John Bourke apart as a model father, and if you pin him down, John will share two bits of parenting advice that rule his daily life and may well help fathers everywhere. “Before I slam the book and decide the right answer I just stay curious longer. It is also important to take some time and remember what it is you really want for yourself, your child and the relationship — and to be conscious of that every step,” he said.

Heather Darrow is a Plano-based freelance writer and a frequent contributor to Plano Profile.